Tag Archives: brooklyn

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D train last ride

collage

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I begin snorting Xanax in neat little lines off of my algebra book before dinner shortly after my 15th birthday. My mother will stare inquisitively at me over a full plate of chicken and mashed potatoes that I push around the plate but never eat as I unsuccessfully try to keep myself head upright. I am moody and uninterested in casual banter. Every question asked will be met with a one word answer and I wait till she is not looking to dump the contents of the plate into a napkin that will meet my bedroom garbage can shortly after. I don’t have an eating disorder but the act of eating is a chore for me that derive no instant gratification from and consequently I decide I have no use for it. I am temporarily unable to lift my head and spend hours staring at the ceiling being agitated by any slight sound I hear. The sound of a chirping cricket will propel me into a rage of kicking the walls in the tiny perimeter of my bedroom in an effort to silence it. Eventually I stumble into a Volvo and force myself to breed a casual conversation with my best friends mother, who like mine, is completely oblivious. (november, 2000)

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self portrait: 12/18/2008

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