ascend a staircase
he takes your hand
lay you down in his bed
satin
black hair clutched in between fingers to assuage those thoughts inside
bite down
and we’re really neither here nor there

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1999

Girls Locker Room

I could never get dressed in time

3 minutes

I always showed up late

I’m still lost on how to love

How to feel

How to exist

I lace up boots for 10 minutes

I walk down hallways thinking about that song

12 years later he’s in my bed pulling me on top of him

“you’re going to die” he says.

“yes”

you too

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Life:

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May:

We went to the beach

I lost my keys,

things were falling apart

and i knew it.

I lied in my underwear next to you.

You held my hand while we walked on the boardwalk in jeans that didn’t fit me.

In the car:

Silence,

Los Angeles.

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August:

you pushed me down on the bed

you’d hold me down and cover my mouth

you tell me to be quiet

but i couldn’t

your weight on me.

it was my birthday

you said you wanted to go see her

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We sat in the Portland Rose Gardens
You held my hand on the plane.

We lie in bed in the hotel on SW 11th without touching

Then we were in separate bedrooms in Brooklyn, talking awkwardly over Chinese food on 86th & 4th.

I call & you say “I’m engaged”.

Then:

“That Chinese food place is on fire right now”.

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November 4, 2011 · 1:20 pm

i held you on the bathroom floor in a t shirt and jeans. i was supposed to be naked but you didn’t care. we held each other in bed talking about life and sadness. you asked if i could just stay the night and hold you.

i did.

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