heather joy — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:40:31 +0000

ascend a staircase
he takes your hand
lay you down in his bed
satin
black hair clutched in between fingers to assuage those thoughts inside
bite down
and we’re really neither here nor there

heather joy — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 21:06:15 +0000

dream: sitting on the shore, the waves keep coming in, it’s all grey. a dead monarch butterfly appears next to my foot (monarchs are a symbolic for God). i get upset because i love them so much and always fluttered around me when i was little. i get up and someone grabs my arm and starts pulling me into this beautiful sunshine. a black butterfly lands on my stomach (black butterflies always represent death) and won’t move. i can’t see who the person is who was holding my arm, but he takes me into a beautiful light.

heather joy — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 06:11:58 +0000

Greenpoint,

I walked under the BQE past parked cars

from the L train in that dress you bought for me

My hands cold

We meet at that diner

sitting on the sidewalk

I said:

just leave me here

alone

heather joy — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 07:05:58 +0000

1999

Girls Locker Room

I could never get dressed in time

3 minutes

I always showed up late

I’m still lost on how to love

How to feel

How to exist

I lace up boots for 10 minutes

I walk down hallways thinking about that song

12 years later he’s in my bed pulling me on top of him

“you’re going to die” he says.

“yes”

you too

heather joy — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 01:57:44 +0000

Life:

heather joy — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 02:23:26 +0000

May:

We went to the beach

I lost my keys,

things were falling apart

and i knew it.

I lied in my underwear next to you.

You held my hand while we walked on the boardwalk in jeans that didn’t fit me.

In the car:

Silence,

Los Angeles.

heather joy — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 23:26:27 +0000

August:

you pushed me down on the bed

you’d hold me down and cover my mouth

you tell me to be quiet

but i couldn’t

your weight on me.

it was my birthday

you said you wanted to go see her

heather joy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 17:20:59 +0000

We sat in the Portland Rose Gardens
You held my hand on the plane.

We lie in bed in the hotel on SW 11th without touching

Then we were in separate bedrooms in Brooklyn, talking awkwardly over Chinese food on 86th & 4th.

I call & you say “I’m engaged”.

Then:

“That Chinese food place is on fire right now”.

heather joy — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 09:26:53 +0000

i held you on the bathroom floor in a t shirt and jeans. i was supposed to be naked but you didn’t care. we held each other in bed talking about life and sadness. you asked if i could just stay the night and hold you.

i did.

heather joy — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 09:11:25 +0000

i went to your loft at hollywood & vine. your black hair falling into my face and cigarettes in our mouths. you lie next to me and say you don’t understand what intimacy is.

we both know you lied.